Saturday, May 15, 2010

Feeling... blerghhh =\

I really hate not having a plan. Not being organised. Not knowing things.
I like plans. I like everything organised.
I like having my day all set out.
I like my weeks all set out.

That being said. I tend to contradict myself because i'm a messy person.
I never do the things I should when I should.
I haven't done alot of important things I should have.
I'm really lazy. And I hate that. But, at the same time, I'm just not motivated enough to do anything about it..

Spontanity isn't really my thing.
I wish it was though.
I really wish I could be carefree and not worry.
But I do, I worry all the time over the tiniest things.
And then I get stressed. Which causes headaches.

I'm a messy, lazy person who wishes she were more motivated and organised but knows that in reality that she'll never be that proactive. And she can't cook and she get's stress headaches ALL the time. And she never tells people her problems.

And I don't know why I just started talking in third person.

I don't know why I'm not fat. I eat when I'm bored.
And I've done nothing all day but eat.

I'm kinda nervous about coming home actually.
The kitten died =( And I was so excited.
I wish I had more money, I never have enough money.
And it's usually because I buy alot of unnecessary things.

I'm worried about the future.
Is it wrong for me to be freaking out about it?
I'm only 18 and i'm freaking out because I don't know what's happening in my life.
I don't know what I'm doing.
But the problem is that I'm not doing anything.

Yeah I'm cynical tonight.
Just ignore my ramblings.

I had alot of fun with Mel and Lucy last night.
Even if the movie was terribly cliched.